7:59 p.m. - 2011-03-31
She wrote back
And I'm putting off reading it. At first I thought I was showing remarkable restraint, but I'm pretty sure now it's blind cowardice in the face of the inevitable confirmation of her lack of feelings for me that her indifference to me over these last few months (years?) should have shown me. I'm sure it's progress that I'm feeling terrible for letting myself be taken advantage of, but does it have to hurt this much?
Sometimes I wish I could have lived with the delusion forever so I didn't have to go through this pain, but... then I have the kernel of a feeling that I am better than this (and her) and I'm almost happy that this is happening to me.
Strange days, indeed.
