10:35 p.m. - 2006-11-14
A chilly study
Brrr den! :bur�den
Pronunciation: 'b&r-d&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English byrthen; akin to Old English beran to carry -- more at BEAR
1 a : something that is carried : LOAD b : DUTY, RESPONSIBILITY
2 : something oppressive or worrisome
3 a : the bearing of a load -- usually used in the phrase beast of burden b : capacity for carrying cargo
4 : LOAD 11 (worm burden) (cancer) Did they have to include my zodiac sign, too?>
I'll add that it is also something that I no longer want to be. I'm still struggling to find my place in this world. It's not getting any easier. Maybe nothing worth having ever is. I've never supported myself financially or, now that I think of it, emotionally. I've been terribly niggardly with myself on both accounts. No, not miserly, more willfully denying that I need (deserve) either one. How do I change 36 years of negative internal monologue? The first step is changing "you" to "I" in the previous sentence. That's a great start. I'm not so sure of the next step. Volunteering? OA? Actually getting out and mingling with other human beings? It doesn't seem completely impossible anymore. Unlikely, sure, just not impossible. And that's good enough for today! Apologies to Merriam-Webster.
