5:19 a.m. - 2007-10-11
Wanted: Unwanted Attention
For the last, oh, 15 years or so I have systematically shrunken my interaction with the outside world. At first unknowingly, then with a vengeance, now I suppose somewhere in the middle. Worse yet, now that I realize I need contact, I can't remember how to go about it (if I ever really knew in the first place). I have a multitude of avenues for communication that weren't available before (blogs, email, cellphones) and yet, I feel more isolated than before. I've tried and tired of attempting to instigate relationships. Perhaps it's the air of desperation that's so off-putting. I dunno... I don't even know why I keep writing in this diary anymore. It's certainly not just for me. Ever since I got the slightest feedback on this journal thing, I've been writing for an "audience". Granted a very small, handsome, virile, wise, talented and accomplished lot.0) I do cherish my friends for who they are, but at times I feel like I take an inordinate pride in their job titles. Professor, Architect, Pastor, Manager, Psychologist, Writer. They choose to still be friends with me (some of them, anyway) and I'm nothing! Maybe I'm not nothing? No, I know I'm not nothing. I just wish I could get a little more evidence that what I have to offer is wanted and appreciated by somebody.
Enough honesty for today.
