6:35 a.m. - 2007-07-28
Jus' ramblin'
As I sit here on Saturday morning, naked save for a pair of Day of the Dead motif shoes I insist on wearing (they need to break in or somesuch) I'm cursed with a rather unfortunately timed case of hiccups. Having only just an hour ago taken a prescription sleep aid, I fear the infernal things will perhaps succeed in not letting me get any decent slumber. If there is such a thing as decent slumber. For the last few, gosh years I guess, my sleep has been indecent and infrequent and truly a pain in the arse.
Being nocturnal has always felt right, at first. Then I slowly realize that it is just one more attempt to insulate me from people. By the time a few months has passed with this schedule it seems a Herculean task to get back to sleeping nights. I've done it, and will again, but at the time it is the most depressingly exhilirating feeling in the world to me. A chance to live alone with only myself to worry about. But then, I have to turn that coin and realize that there's nobody else who cares about me. That's unacceptable and I don't want to live that way any longer. I will endeavour to change these unwanted things and to accept the good for what it is and also the bad for what it is, the balance that makes the enjoyable truly enjoyable.
