2:42 a.m. - 2010-08-22
Death of a notion
The longest held delusions die the hardest. Or maybe it's just the ones that never stood a chance of happening in the first place. All I know for sure is I'm decimated right now. I know we only had a few nights together nearly three years ago, but I don't enter into these things casually. Never have. Perhaps I should have been more explicit about that in any of our dozens of email conversations since then. Or the dangled carrot of the phone call that never seemed to happen. I respected that you wanted to go back with your husband, but I also suspected that it wouldn't ultimately work out. And I'm truly pissed off that this all went on almost a year ago and I'm just finding out about it now that you've been dating someone else for "a few months". How many emails did I send that you ignored in that time? Tons. "Friends" don't do that kind of shit to each other! I'm just not strong enough or smart enough to take the hint and move on when somebody ignores me. It only strengthens my resolve. I know you don't know that about me and it's not your responsibility anyways, but it's true. Unfortunately.
So, keep your vaunted Facebook friendship to yourself. I tried to take back my request, but can't and I don't think it'd be healthy for me to have access to your happy life that doesn't include me.
