3:33 a.m. - 2008-07-05
My Little Town
I cried through the first half of the fireworks last night. It was from a combination of sadness, nostalgia, awe and the final realization of being so alone in the middle of a crowd of my friends and (former) neighbors. I don't want to sound unappreciative. Mr. and Mrs. G are great to have invited me over the last few Christmases and Fourths and I'll always love them for that. Ever since my parent's move two years ago, I've felt vaguely like I don't have a Home anymore. I know rationally that when one situation ends it's an opportunity for an even better one to take it's place and that I have to be the agent of that change. I don't think I've ever truly believed that. And it's certainly not how I've conducted my life. It's why I stayed in my terrible marriage as long as I did and have been foundering in my search for a career.
I'd been doing so much better, too. I want to believe that my improvement isn't fleeting. I am stronger than this. I know I am.
