2:47 a.m. - 2006-12-02
No problem? No, problem!
I have been experiencing the weirdest bit of exhilirating anticipation lately. Every time I check my email I can't help hoping that someone (anyone) has responded. If they have I'm elated and I pore over the missive ecstatically, adding it to my "collection" of messages. Tangible evidence of approval. If they haven't (and most don't) I'm destroyed. Not for one moment giving a second thought that other people have something as silly as a "life". The electronic age has really winnowed my patience. If I don't get a response in a day, I presume the worst. The worst being (depending on the day)
a. They hate me!
b. I've said something wrong to upset them!
c. Don't open yourself up to anyone! or
d. That @%$#&*^ cream will not enlarge anything!
The really sick and twisted part is that when I do venture out into the world, my mind inevitably keeps wandering back to that moment when I can check my inbox. Fearing (knowing, really) that it will remain (like me) empty.
I crave contact on any level and feel that I'm reaching out for something I can't quite grasp [like the proper analogy from Greek mythology that would be so apt right now. I know it's not Sisyphus. (What did you call me?)] I'm fighting looking it up with every fiber of my being. Some things I'm happy not to know. Facts, that is.
After taking a few minutes to patch up some of the drafty bits in the body of the above the name has come to me. Wait for it...TANTALUS!!!!! I swear I didn't look it up! It is Tantalus, innit? Enough already. Edited to within an inch of it's life. By the way, it was Tantalus.
