4:56 a.m. - 2006-05-04
A dying man, stuck in a rut
I swear! How much more incentive do I need before I finally admit that I have to make some serious changes in my life.
I hate my fucking job! There's no future in it for me. Gas is $3.00 a gallon. Work, when there is any is sporadic and unrewarding. I can't afford any repairs that will inevitably come up. No two people on either end of shipping and receiving can communicate in the least. I am constantly being apologized to for this or that infraction. Fuck off! I don't want to hear your sorrys. Let me leave and get back on the road. I cannot stand to have to interact for one more minute with these neanderthals.
I'm not qualified to do much else, nor do I have an "in" anyplace that might be worth working.
I'm still 40 pounds overweight and fear that this will always be the case. I've recently lost 17, but somehow I think it makes me look worse. If only I had the balls to get a tummy tuck.
I ate way too much food tonight out of sheer frustration. Now I hate myself for doing it. At the time it felt great.
I'm taking sleeping pills everynight to get to sleep. Or, if I'm being truthful I take them to get a small buzz which I enjoy for a few short minutes before I finally succumb to sleep.
I form crushes on girl's that might actually go out with me. They must never know. What if they didn't want to be bothered. Besides I usually go ahead and have the full relationship in my head. Saves us both some time. Including the eventual breakup and animosity.
I'm seriously thinking of buying an ipod and an electric guitar to see if they cheer me up. Possessions usually do for a day or two.
